The Dreaded "Talk"

Well, it finally happened - we had the first of many (I am sure) talks about the biological family today... Here is what went down. Nas has apparently been mentioning to Aaron recently that it is not "fair" that we hold baby Will. She said Will has Totya (Aunt) Jane and so we should not hold him. This is VERY typical - she is jealous. So Aaron mentions this to me at breakfast today after the kids have left the table to go play. We are discussing this and she is listening from where she and Sasha are playing in the living room. I get up to go downstairs to do my hair and when I come up the kids both come up to me and say "it isnt fair, dont hold Will". 

Now, I have not held Will in over a week - when I did very very briefly at his birthday party. But there have been a lot of birthdays and Sasha's is coming up so it is not suprising this is coming up now. I said, okay, lets all sit down and talk. They said they wanted to all get in our bed and talk there so we did. Nas started off that it wasnt fair that Will had Jane so didnt need me. I agreed that WIll belonged to Jane and Jane belonged to Will, just like she and Sasha were my babies and I belonged only to them. This seemed to placate her a bit. Then I asked her if she was mad that she and sasha were not here when they were babies and she said, "YES!" (I was pretty sure that was what was really wrong anyway) and so I said I was sad too that they hadnt been but that they had been born in another lady's tummy- the tummy lady (I just cannot use the term birth mother- I just cant) and that she loved them very much but was not their real mother so she had to take them to the baby home so their mama and papa could find them, because we wouldnt be able to find them anywhere else. I have no idea if this is the right thing to say but I have been reading about this and it seemed plausible so I went with it. I explained that we had a whole team out searching for them (plays off a book we read where something similar happens) and as soon as they found them we flew as fast as we could to come get them. We were also sorry we didnt find them as tiny babies but we love them so much that it is okay because we are all home and safe now. Then we talked about how far we went for them, Papa pulled out the atlas and we looked at Russia and Novo and Seattle and they got bored so we looked at baby home pictures (which they love to do) and they were happy and took off to play. 

Now I am sure this is the first of many many conversations about this- I guess it is good it is finally coming out but it is hard, all around. 

It is also hard because they obviously compare themselves to the other kids in the family and we just had this super fun big party at Poppy Nick's for Will's birthday and now we are not doing something similar for Sasha- Elizabeth is against it for reasons unknown and not understood by me. And now Pop isnt even coming to his birthday party (because of Elizabeth and her schedule and desire not to attend apparently)- so I am really concerned that my children will feel extra slighted, which is worse than the sting of the slight I already feel regarding this issue- which they don't know about at all. We will have a party at our house and it will be great and I hope Sasha sees that it is even better to be surrounded by those that love you whole heartedly but it sucks all around and has definietley strained things between my dad and I. I know HE loves Sasha but it is sometimes hard for him to make the right choices regarding situations like this- this is why it was so great when Mom was around, she acted as an appropriate social compass and made him slow down and realize what was really important, like grandchildren. 

They say that alot of adoption issues come up around birthdays so this is not a surprise but we shall see where it goes. Nas obviously thinks about this alot and Sasha takes his cues from her - so it could be an interesting month!